10 months 💔
This one is exceptionally hard. Double digits means it’s almost a year. He’s really not coming back.
The snow has affected me, which I didn’t expect.
It was snowy when he died; it caused problems with planning the funeral/burial. There was a big snowstorm headed our way, lots of other funerals to schedule around and important people from out of state to consider. Hammering out the “when” took more time than anything else in our planning meeting.
It caused me issues for a several months. I couldn’t keep up with shoveling due to my broken ankle. I blew through some vacation days when I couldn’t get down off the hill we live on. It was very frustrating and seeing the white outside is bringing back those memories and feelings of frustration and helplessness. It was the first slap in the face that I was alone.
It’s another sign that it’s been almost a year. The seasons have cycled.
So…seeing snow is bringing that all back.
My counselor would call this a “trigger” and that isn’t a word I thought I’d ever use.
I was thinking last night that this is truly hell on earth.