#Dwight Was Here

May 1 was a pretty rough day for me. My birthday had been the day before, and while I didn’t do much in the way of celebrating, I was happy that it was the last day of Ohio’s “Stay-at-Home” order.Unfortunately, the order was extended for another 30 days. At that point, my Facebook feed became full of public backlash and outcry. Again. This was kind of the last straw for me. After months of watching friends argue back and forth and close friendships being damaged because I was following the Ohio restrictions, this just shot an arrow into my heart.I…

15 months 💔 The 14th is becoming less significant as a marker. Each day is just another day without him. Some things are better, some things aren’t. In light of the world events we are all dealing with, a heartache doesn’t seem to be that important and I’m reluctant to spend time lamenting my situation when every single one of us is dealing with circumstances thrust upon us. I do miss having a buddy to weather the storm with. I’m envious of those of you not going through this alone. Stay safe. C

14 months 💔 Today I’m mostly thinking about how well Dwight took care of me while I was sick. He never opened a can of chicken noodle soup the entire time I knew him. He would whip up an amazing pot of fresh soup, sometimes with chicken from his own coops, and when feeling adventurous, he would make his own noodles. He even made his own crackers. He made me hundreds of cups of tea over the years and tripled the amount when I was ill. He supplied thermometer checks, boxes of tissues and peeked in on me when I…

I adulted today. At first I felt good that I was finally addressing this, but then some hard decisions came into play. There are so many things to consider, even pets are in wills, now. I understand now why Dwight never wanted to do this. It was a sad experience.

13+ months 💔 I’ve been having great difficulty, lately. Currently, there are number of things in my personal life that have been traumatic and/or greatly distressing. Every fiber of my being aches for Dwight. I miss him so. He would have been my rock to help me get through this. I often wonder when the pain will go away. And then I think of this Twain quote. There are a number of derivatives out there. Some say “with great love, there comes great sorrow.” Although I wish this healing part was over with, I try to take some comfort in…

Someone I know is dying. She was ok yesterday. She won’t be ok tomorrow. If there is ANYTHING unsaid, unfixed, unresolved in your life, FIX IT NOW! Seriously, FIX IT NOW! It doesn’t matter whose fault it was. FIX IT NOW! Be the adult. Be the bigger person. No one takes away your birthday for extending the olive branch in a bad situation. Just, FIX IT NOW! Because you’re gonna feel like a real ass when it’s too late to fix it and you’re sitting in a funeral parlor. Trust me on this one. Edit: I do not have anything…

Feb 14 ❤️ 13 months I was lucky enough to have Valentine’s Day every day. Dwight was the most loving soul. His nickname for me was “love” or “sweets”. His nickname for his daughter Erin was “sug” (short form of sugar). He called almost every woman “lady” and there were 3 women he gave the honorific of “Miss” to: Miss Martha, Miss Sandy, and Miss Ellen (secretary at work). When he first asked me out, I didn’t know anything about him, but we had a few mutual friends, so I checked with them about him. I consistently heard “they broke…

January 2020 - One year 💔 I couldn’t do a 1 year update last month. I mentioned the last day he lived, and a few details from the funeral & day he was buried, but I couldn’t bring myself to focus on the day he died. I didn’t anticipate that every single day of that week would be an anniversary of the days surrounding his death; the day I planned his funeral and picked out his casket, the day we buried him, the day after we buried him was the first night I spent alone, 2 days afterward I had…

Today is Dwight’s birthday. He would have been 66. Here’s a band promo video that I uncovered recently. I’d never seen it before, but I was there for the footage. I love that he spent a fair amount of time on stages and I have a good number of photos and videos to remember him by. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zrHoHjOEJS8

Dwight’s death is the primary, and most significant grief I’ve been working through, but there have been a few other significant losses in my life, as well, that I’ve kept private. I’m having great difficulty with that. It’s hard to not let it get the better of me.