I’ve heard that the six month mark is where things start to get easier.
Maybe because by this point a lot of tasks have been completed… those tasks that only land on a to-do list because your loved one has passed… legal & financial paperwork, transferring cars, accounts, titles/deeds over…. that part has slowed down and is mostly wrapped up.
I’ve just started the task of going through his things & passing them on to who I think would be the best recipient. This is tough. This is a big step. I’m facing up to the fact that this is permanent; he doesn’t need these things, any more.
It’s also a process of lessening his presence. Things no longer look like he just popped out for a pack of cigarettes. It’s starting to look like he doesn’t live here, anymore. I struggle with that…going back and forth from the pain of the constant reminders to the guilt of changes that seem selfish to me.
The utter shock & chaos has simmered down to a deep, painful throb as I go through the motions, day after day. Get up, work, sleep. Rinse, wash, repeat. I tell people I have no life; this is what I mean. It is what it is, I’m too exhausted to pull off much more than that.
I still have no clue what the future holds or what I want/wish it to hold. I’m trudging forward, but without goals, hopes, or dreams…He was a part of every single plan I had… and now I need new ones.
💔